refrains on repeat in my head
More whiskey sunsets, please and thank you.
Uffda! I worked incredibly hard this week, and maybe shed a tear or threw a tantrum (ok, fine TWO), to send you an adventure tale. My lack of motivation is not to blame. It is present but not to blame. Why must I be the artsy type and share with you what feeeels right for the moment rather than what I planned to present to you? I prepped the story of my fun overnight backpacking excursion across Wydaho with a friend and even asked her permission to divulge every detail. We laughed about the weather and dodging the angry cows and dreamed of future tours together. Everything. ALL the things. (Sorry Michaela!)
Why the switch? Yet AGAIN? You know, I never really allow grace for myself but here’s me trying. Sort of failing and flailing but still a solid attempt. Ok, actually the sunset is to blame. Remember how I’m Southern and I HAD to have rockin’ chairs for my porch? Maybe you don’t recall but now you know. See exhibit A at the top of the page. And those rockin’ chairs are the luckiest rockin’ chairs in existence due to their stellar view. Specifically, of the sunset. Perfect for sippin’ whiskey and contemplatin’ life.’
Y’all know where I’m goin’. It’s not quite an existential crisis but a slight undertone of the sentiment. The pink and peach brushstrokes across the sky increase my desire for more. More time in nature, more time with friends, more time to enjoy all the things I love so dearly. More quality in life. MORE. Like Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast singing that “there must be more to this provincial life,” the song repeats in my head. Simultaneously, the “You are where you are supposed to be,” inspiration zings through my psyche.
How can I hold these, one in each hand, and find balance? These phrases are on repeat despite my distaste for the job I’m still desperately trying to vacate. I’ve always held a penchant for inspirational quotes. That’s really what this whole diatribe is aching to discuss. How in college I wrapped my room in sticky notes scrawled in my poor penmanship denoting and emoting well-known sayings. To this day, I still randomly find them in books or laptop bags.
Oh! That’s it! THAT’S what caused this whole mess! I almost forgot I found one the other day when pulling out all my Flannery O’Connor to study! The following quote is certainly to blame:
“The most important thing I realized lately is that painful break-ups, unrequited love, shitty jobs, and the like help us to BUILD CHARACTER and that no matter how bad it feels, we are much better off because of it.”
Balsamroot blooming despite the cool, cloudy weather demonstrates that we too may be blooming despite our difficult situations.
Upon discovery, I immediately screamed, “I’ve already built enough CHARACTER!!!” Because how does one build even better character when they are already frustrated by being too kind, too sweet, too forgiving. So maybe the character intended could be to draw the sass out of hiding? I dunno. What I do know is that inspirational quotes help.
I’ll wrap up here with the two refrains on repeat in my head and hope they serve you how you need them to. May sunshine pour upon you both figuratively and physically. May you be showered with love, joy, and all the nutrients you need to grow.
“Development comes from within. Nature does not hurry but advances slowly. Often out of periods of losing come the greatest strivings toward a new winning streak.”
and then the universe said to me…
everything is aligning, even the parts that feel unclear right now. your timing is sacred. what’s yours will find you.